Easter Bunny Blooper

I’ve lived in the US long enough to enjoy various holidays. I especially like Thanksgiving and I can even get into the Christmas spirit. But Easter has never really been my thing. I never understood why people painted hard boiled eggs and then hid them from small children.

But I’m learning. Jenny likes Easter, so we usually go to Church and yesterday we had a little Easter brunch even. But I’m still left a little confused by the Easter bunny. What does the Easter bunny have to do with Christ’s resurrection?

My friend Laura posted this photo of two bunnies on her facebook page the other day.

Her facebook friends got a good laugh, but I was confused. “I don’t get it,” I wrote.

Laura wrote back, “You’ve been in this country too long to use the ‘I wasn’t raised here’ excuse.”

But I didn’t even use that excuse this time, I pointed out to Laura. “And I really don’t get it. Please explain.”

Laura explained that someone bit off the first chocolate bunny’s butt so he tells his friend that his butt hurts, but someone had already bitten off the second bunny’s ears, so he can’t hear the first bunny’s complaint.

Okay, now this was all starting to make sense. I appreciated her explanation, especially the part about the bunny who could not hear anymore. I also didn’t realize they were chocolate bunnies, which was my first problem. Even Laura gave me a pass, “the fact that you didn’t realize they were chocolate explains your confusion,” she wrote.

I may not have known they were chocolate, but I did wonder why the bunnies were brown. I thought it was some kind of Easter bunny diversity thing.

Do Over

I moved my blog to WordPress. Many techies tell me that WordPress is far superior to Blogger. Plus I polled people on my Twitter and all three people who responded were unanimous that WordPress is better than Blogger. So in the spirit of a life lived migrating from here there and everywhere, I have joined the world of cyber migration and moved to WordPress.

I do like the platform better for a number of reasons. The template is more flexible allowing for multiple pages. I like the Category Cloud on the right. It’s much easier to read the blog on an iPhone, which is important to some people more than others. I tend to read a lot of stuff on my iPhone and I happen to know Jenny almost exclusively reads my blog on her iPhone. And much of my life’s purpose is to please Jenny because she is the love of my life. I will migrate anywhere for her.

I also got my own domain name http://surinakhan.com which is kinda cool. And WordPress made the exporting from Blogger super easy. I hope my 33 followers on Blogger will migrate with me as well.

The only thing is that it may not be so easy to measure my outcomes. On Blogger I had 5752 hits. Note to self: add 5752 to the number of hits on WordPress.

Where’s the Beef?

When my father was home we usually ate dinner in the dining room. Puchi and I would set the table, with a table cloth, linen napkins, china and silverware.

My parents were not deeply religious, but we observed general Muslim practices. No pork products were allowed in the house, though liquor was admissible for guests, and occasionally my parents might have one drink or, in my mother’s case, one glass of wine.

When my father was not around, the dinner hour was more casual. Sometimes we’d eat at the kitchen table, laying out the food on the counters, buffet style, and grazing as we chatted with our mother about this or that.

Sometimes we ordered pizza. “What do you want on your pizza?” my mother would ask.

“Pepperoni,” I replied.

“We can’t have pepperoni,” my mother said. “It’s made with pork.”

“No it isn’t,” I lied. “They make it with beef.”

“Oh is that right? Well go ahead and order it then,” she said trusting me.

We ordered the pepperoni pizza and a mushroom pizza and maybe some other kind of pizza. Enough to feed all the people who were invariably around for the dinner hour– my sisters and brothers and any number of our friends. I don’t think my mother ever questioned my deceitful declaration that pepperoni was made with beef.

 I like pepperoni pizza.

I never really understood the no pork or alcohol rule. Or the no shellfish rule for that matter. Many of the Pakistani Muslims I encountered drank alcohol. I thought it was hypocritical. Alcohol was permissible but pork was not. So, I quietly started consuming pork products as a child, mostly pepperoni and sometimes bacon. As I got older I introduced alcohol to my diet as well. Many people would say I am not a good Muslim. And I would agree with them. In addition to the pork, shellfish, and alcohol consumption there’s the issue of my lesbianism which is also frowned upon in Islam.

When I’m not lying about how pepperoni is made, I keep my pork consumption on the down low. I make bolognese with mild Italian sausage, or I might order a side of bacon or chorizo with my eggs from time to time, but I don’t make a big deal about it.

My friend Jim introduced me to grilled figs wrapped in prosciutto. Jenny and I made them for a dinner party once, and knowing that one of our guests was a devout Muslim, we made sure to grill some figs without the prosciutto. I made the mistake of putting both on the same plate, which I should have known is also frowned upon in Muslim circles. You don’t want pork products touching non-pork products.

“What are these?” our Muslim guest asked.

“They’re figs wrapped in prosciutto,” I said. “You can’t eat them. They’re pork, but this side of the plate is not pork,” I explained.

She must not have heard me clearly because she promptly popped a prosciutto wrapped fig in her mouth and declared, “These are delicious!” And then she ate another and another.

I quickly ran to Jenny and said, “If anyone asks about the prosciutto wrapped figs, tell them it’s beef prosciutto.”

“But there’s no such things as beef prosciutto,” she said.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “Just make sure to say it’s beef prosciutto, they’ll never know there isn’t any such thing.”  Just like my mother didn’t know there wasn’t any such thing as beef pepperoni.

I did recently discover Halal pepperoni pizza. Halal is a term used to designate food seen as permissible according to Islamic law. Who knew? There is beef pepperoni after all.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I was outlining all the reasons I needed to live in Paris. “I’ve been taking French since elementary school and I’ve hit an impasse,” I explained to my mother. “My reading and writing skills are good, but I really think I need to live in Paris to master the art of conversation.” It was 1984 and I was completing my junior year in high school trying to make summer plans.

“Call the travel agent and make your arrangements,” my mother said. That was a lot easier than I anticipated. My mother loved to travel and she encouraged us to travel as well.

“Where will I live?” I asked her, hoping I could be set-up in a hotel. I love hotels.

My mother knew the Pakistani Ambassador to France and said she would be in touch with his secretary to get me set up with a French family. This probably made more sense if I was serious about learning French.

“And I’m sure you’ll want to look into French classes, if you’re serious about learning French,” my mother instructed me. I made arrangements to attend the Alliance Francaise in Paris which involved taking an entry exam so they could determine which class I would be best suited for.

A week or so before my exam, Puchi called from London, where she was spending part of the summer with our mother and oldest sister, Muna.

“I’m coming to Paris,” she said. When she arrived the next day, I picked her up at the train station and we went to my French family’s home in Meudon, just outside of Paris. The house was a beautiful stone country home, walking distance from the train in a sleepy little town. I don’t think this was exactly what Puchi had in mind for her Parisian getaway and we spent the rest of her time in Paris in hotels and bars, drinking too much wine. Often I would forget to call my French family and let them know I would not be returning home for dinner, or even the night.

The day before my exam, Puchi, who was planning to leave Paris for Italy to visit Mimo who was on an archeological dig with a group from her college, said, “Come to Italy with me.”

“I can’t. I have to take my French exam,” I responded dutifully.

“Come to Italy with me.” It didn’t really take much persuading. I was getting sick of Paris. The newness of it all had worn off, and I wasn’t really learning French since so many French people leave Paris in the summer and most everyone speaks English. The next thing I knew my bags were packed and we were on a train to Italy.

“Where are we going exactly?” I asked Puchi.

“Um, I’m not exactly sure,” she said taking a piece of crumpled paper out of her pocket. “I’ve got the directions right here.” She was not inspiring confidence in me.

“Will Mimo pick us up at the train station?” I asked.

“She doesn’t really know we’re coming to visit this week,” Puchi said.

“Oh great. We don’t really know where we’re going and no one is expecting us,” I said expressing my disapproval.  “This should be fun,” I added sarcastically.

We took several trains, sometimes without assigned seats and would have to stand for hours at a time in the heat. I looked longingly at the first class passengers, seated in the air-conditioned compartments. On one of the trains, Puchi was able to secure one seat in an air-conditioned compartment. Probably tired of my whining, she gave it to me and told me to go sit down, which I willingly did, not even thinking to offer it to her instead.

It took us about 30 hours to get to Lucera, a small town on the heel of Italy. By this time I was no fun to travel with, complaining about the heat, the food on the train, my Walkman not working, and Puchi not knowing where we were going. She was mostly patient with my bratty behavior.

“So now what are you going to do?” I said to her when we got off the bus in Lucera’s town square. “You don’t even know where we’re going.”

Puchi glared at me, annoyed with my constant negative comments. And then she looked across the piazza, and there was Mimo’s face in the window of a bar.

“See,” said Puchi. “I told you I knew where I was going. I knew we’d find her in a bar,” she said laughing and waving to Mimo.

Mimo and Puchi in Italy, the summer of 1984.