When I tried to print my boarding pass from home for this week’s episode of the No-Fly Watch List, I got the familiar red X notifying me that I needed to see a ticket agent at the full-service counter at the airport.

I got to the airport and was pleasantly surprised to find that I was not the only person in line on the No-Fly Watch List. I overheard the man ahead of me talking to the ticket agent. “It’s ridiculous,” he said sounding really irritable. “My name is Steven Smith, there’s no reason for me to be on the list. Smith is a common name.”

I knew exactly how he felt. Khan is a very common name too. Just because our names our common, does not mean we should be on the No-Fly Watch List.

Steven looked like a nice enough guy. Like he could be from the Midwest. Pink complexion, a bit of a paunch, slightly balding, gold-rimmed eyeglasses. But he had a bad attitude. He was huffing and puffing, clearly not happy about his status on the No-Fly Watch List. I could relate. Good-natured as I’m trying to be about this whole thing, let’s face it. It’s a drag to be on the No-Fly Watch List. But my philosophy is, if you have to be on the No-Fly Watch List, you might as well try and have a good attitude.

I felt like giving Steven a tip or two. “Steven,” I wanted to say to him, “it doesn’t help to get upset with the ticket agent. They didn’t put you on the list, and they can’t take you off it.” I was starting to feel sorry for the ticket agent. The poor guy had to deal with Steven’s misguided anger as well as the rest of us who were getting impatient in the line since Steven was taking so long to get checked in. The ticket agent was just doing his job, filling out the No-Fly Watch List Clearance form with his blue ball point Bic pen as fast as he could. But, I know from experience, it can take a good five minutes to fill out this form, and then you have to get one of your colleagues to witness it and sign off and that can take another minute or two. Jenny calls this “Dilbert’s Guide to National Security.”

I could sense the ticket agent’s increasing anxiety as he kept looking up at the line growing longer and longer. The people in line behind me were getting agitated.

For instance, the guy behind me started sighing audibly. “My flight leaves at 11am!” he shouted at no one. “Am I going to make it?” I know he was trying to cut in front of me. When I got up to the counter I led with, “I’m on the No-Fly Watch List too.” I thought this might expedite things. But by now the ticket agent was flustered. He filled out my paperwork as fast as he could and gave me my boarding pass and told me to go to Gate 3. “Thank you,” I said, “but can I have my license back?” He forgot he still had it. Good thing I was paying attention.

I’m beginning to think they should add an additional line at the airport. In addition to the bag drop line, and the full-service counter line, they should add a No-Fly Watch List line. This way, those of us on the list wont slow other passengers down.

The line at security was long too. Even though the Long Beach airport is tiny, it’s become a popular airport. The man in front of me in the security line was basically efficient. He emptied all his pockets, took his shoes and coat off, but he forgot to take off his belt. So he beeped going through the scanner, backed-up, and removed his belt. Then he forgot to collect his belt once he got through the scanner to the other side. The best part about this little mishap was the announcement that followed over the loudspeakers. “Attention passengers. If you do not have a belt, please return to the security area.” This made me giggle.

I thought it was fairly obvious that the man on the loudspeaker meant to say, “if you left your belt behind, please return to the security area.” So I was surprised when an older woman standing nearby looked all confused, “I don’t have a belt,” she said. “Do I need to go back to the security area? My flight is boarding.”

Before I was on the No-Fly Watch list I didn’t pay attention to all these airport details. Now traveling is comical. I wanted to take a picture to remember this experience, so I took this photo as I was boarding the plane. Plus, I needed a visual for this blog.

It occurred to me that I probably should not be taking pictures of the plane given my designation on the No-Fly Watch List. It’s possible that I breached some kind of security protocol. But I was discreet.  I probably looked like I was just checking email on my iPhone. When I was on the plane, I got bored. So I started gazing out the window, and the clouds looked so pretty I decided to snap another photo which I posted on Facebook after we landed. I captioned the photo  “flying the friendly skies” which I thought was a display of a very positive attitude.

My friend Shauna commented on my Facebook post. “Oh, great.” she wrote. “They’re going to see this picture and think you’re taking covert shots of the engine…you are never getting off that No Fly Watch List.”

That’s the engine? I always thought those were the propellers, or is that the same thing as an engine?